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 Wish It Was Easy [cw]
haebitna baek
 Posted: Jan 28 2018, 09:50 PM
Quote
haebitna baek
CM Entertainment
20 years old
written by Dessy
639 posts


thread content warning
post-kidnapping nightmares/ptsd, concussion talk.

1:05
Friday 02 February
???
1:05 AM
Fri, 02 Feb, 1:05 AM
... Are you awake?

Since it's like past midnight probably not and if you aren't then these texts don't matter and pls don't respond to them when you wake up because it's not important.

If you are then... I can't sleep. And I need some company. And the girls are asleep and I really don't want to wake them just because I'm lonely and needy.

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kunwoo byun
 Posted: Jan 28 2018, 11:53 PM
Quote
kunwoo byun
CM Entertainment
21 years old
written by zee
146 posts


New Messages
Haebitna
X:XX XM
X:XX XM
I'm awake now. And don't apologize about waking me up. Jinnie's snoring so loudly I wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep anyway.

The girls probably wouldn't mind keeping you company if you need them, Haena. They want to be there for you just as much as all of us do. Probably more. Take my word for it, you'll never know how much they love you... but I can understand not wanting to wake them up.

Why can't you sleep? Not tired? Or some kind of nightmare?
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haebitna baek
 Posted: Jan 29 2018, 02:04 AM
Quote
haebitna baek
CM Entertainment
20 years old
written by Dessy
639 posts


1:05
Friday 02 February
Kunny 💢
1:05 AM
Fri, 02 Feb, 1:05 AM
I didn't mean to wake you. I said if you were asleep it didn't matter. But... you're up now.

I know they won't mind. They'd stay up all night if I asked. But Anna needs her sleep because she has that new series she's on and Mani is... Idk what she's doing, she's being secretive. I want them to get rest.

... It was a nightmare. That's why I didn't text the boyfriend because if I told him it was a nightmare he'd probably just... run over here instead. He worries enough as is.

It woke me up and I just can't... fall back asleep. That and the concussion, too, the Doctor said it'd make it hard to sleep.



@kunwoo byun
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kunwoo byun
 Posted: Jan 29 2018, 12:24 PM
Quote
kunwoo byun
CM Entertainment
21 years old
written by zee
146 posts


New Messages
Haebitna
X:XX XM
X:XX XM
I'm a light sleeper. You're not disturbing me.

You take good care of them, but you have to let them take good care of you too. ...I noticed too that Mani wasn't around very much right now. It's understandable with all that is going on, but you should keep a close eye on that.

I don't know what she's doing, but I don't have a good feeling about it. [deleted]

I don't know what she's doing, but I'm sure it's okay.

I thought it might be. It's... it's to be expected, right? Especially after the trauma you just went through. Mako means well... that family are bleeding hearts, and they want to fix everything, even the things they can't. Let him worry about you- it's not like you're going to be able to talk him out of it.

No other adverse side effects, right? You can't force these things, especially if the doctor said that it was going to be normal. Maybe telling me what you were dreaming about will help?
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haebitna baek
 Posted: Jan 29 2018, 03:49 PM
Quote
haebitna baek
CM Entertainment
20 years old
written by Dessy
639 posts


1:05
Friday 02 February
Kunny 💢
1:05 AM
Fri, 02 Feb, 1:05 AM
Okay. As long as it's fine.

I know. But they've been taking care of me enough already, I want them to have at least one night of sleep. Mani's not the type of person to just... not be around and not let anyone know anything. I'm trying to keep an eye on her along with... everything else... but it'd help if she'd talk to me.

I hope it's okay.

... I was told nightmares are to be expected, yeah. But I don't... like having them. I know he means well. He was worried and he just wants to make sure I'm okay. I've tried talking him out of it already, it didn't work, so I gave up. 🙄 He cares, and I love him for it, really. All the care is just... overwhelming, sometimes.

... There's a few side-effects, actually, I just haven't had them yet. I took Nursing classes in high school, I at least know the symptoms and side effects of a concussion. I knew what it was when I first got it. I just... wasn't worried about taking care of it then...

It was... I was back there again. Locked in the same room, in the same darkness, only this time I was... never brought back. Nobody found me and the room ended up being a literal cage and I couldn't get out. He kept telling me that I was safe and secure and that I was brought back home. I was alone again, and it was just his voice over and over as I tried to get out but couldn't. And nobody came for me.

I've had happier dreams. This wasn't one of them.



@kunwoo byun
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kunwoo byun
 Posted: Jan 30 2018, 04:38 PM
Quote
kunwoo byun
CM Entertainment
21 years old
written by zee
146 posts


New Messages
Haebitna
X:XX XM
X:XX XM
It'd be a lot easier if we could just force them to open up and tell us the truth wouldn't it? Just be there for her. It's all you can really do. Just don't stress yourself out in the process. You're supposed to be resting.

I don't think anyone really enjoys having nightmares. They don't do anything except get your heart racing and put you on edge. You'd think our brains would just rely on rollercoasters for that sort of thing. Love can be pretty overwhelming a lot of the time. Eunji doesn't really worry over me, but it's best to just let them do their thing... I think. I'm not great with the relationship advice thing.

He can't get to you anymore, Haena. They've got him locked up, and none of us would ever let him get close to you again. Not now that we all know what he's capable of and what to look for.

You really are safe here. No cages. No one trying to hide you away from the world. Just the people who love and support you. You're with family and friends.

Not that that makes it any better probably. I'm sorry. Are you sure you wouldn't want a hug from someone?
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haebitna baek
 Posted: Jan 31 2018, 05:23 PM
Quote
haebitna baek
CM Entertainment
20 years old
written by Dessy
639 posts


1:05
Friday 02 February
Kunny 💢
1:05 AM
Fri, 02 Feb, 1:05 AM
It would be easier. I know I'm supposed to be resting, I'm trying to do that. I just hope it's nothing... bad. RG's had enough bad things happen to us.

... I like roller-coasters. I could handle a dream about a roller-coaster. But that's not what nightmares give you.

I'll keep in mind to never go to you if I need relationship help, lol. I am... letting him do his thing, anyway. I know he's just worried, so if fussing over me helps that then I'll just let him.

I know he can't. I know, my brain just... doesn't. I know he wouldn't be able to get close, not this time, because of everyone else. It doesn't stop the... paranoia, I guess, from being there. Or the fear. Whatever. The fear that he will come back even if I know he won't.

I know I'm safe. At least... here. I'm scared to leave the CM walls. But there's still just... constant fear that I'll be taken away from the safety, and from my family and friends again, and I don't want to leave again.

... I don't want to be alone again.

A hug would be nice, but... most people are asleep.



@kunwoo byun
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kunwoo byun
 Posted: Feb 6 2018, 08:50 PM
Quote
kunwoo byun
CM Entertainment
21 years old
written by zee
146 posts


New Messages
Haebitna
X:XX XM
X:XX XM
I'm sure it's nothing. [deleted]

I'd agree with you there. I know it's hard to do, but you just have to walk that fine line between worrying about the things that matter and not OVER worrying about the things that don't. ...I haven't found that line yet myself, so when you do, let your seonbae know, yeah?

I'm not even insulted. I don't even like going to myself for relationship advice. Zhihao might be able to help you though? He knows Mako enough to maybe give you some tips on how to get him to back off some if you asked. He's pretty good with advice; he's the one I go to most of the time.

There's nothing wrong with you for feeling that way. I'd expect you to be looking over your shoulder for months. Only time is going to make that go away. Don't try to force yourself to do anything you're uncomfortable with, and don't let anybody force you. One day soon, you'll feel up to exploring outside of the building. When that day comes we'll all go out with you, make a big day trip of it with everyone.

But you don't have to do ANYTHING, until you feel safe and up to it. Until then, you stay right here where you're not alone, alright?

Most people are. I'm not.
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haebitna baek
 Posted: Feb 7 2018, 12:31 AM
Quote
haebitna baek
CM Entertainment
20 years old
written by Dessy
639 posts


1:05
Friday 02 February
Kunny 💢
1:05 AM
Fri, 02 Feb, 1:05 AM
... There's a line? I haven't found it, either. But I'll let you know!

[deleted]I can't ask boyfriend number 2 relationship advice about boyfriend number 1 who is also his boyfriend.[/deleted]

[deleted]Plus he is just as bad.[/deleted]

I've never really asked Zhi for relationship advice? I've never really asked him for advice on anything. He doesn't... need to back off. I don't mind. I just don't like him worrying about me so much.

I know. The Doctor said it'd take awhile. I'm not forcing anything, and I have no worries on anyone forcing me. I'll go out when I'm ready, I'm just... not ready right now. Not even close. But... a day trip with everyone sounds nice. Somewhere nice. Maybe the beach.

I will. I have no plans of leaving here just yet.

... Would you be willing to meet me in the hallway for a hug? Just so we don't wake anyone up. I could... use one.



@kunwoo byun
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kunwoo byun
 Posted: Feb 14 2018, 11:22 AM
Quote
kunwoo byun
CM Entertainment
21 years old
written by zee
146 posts


New Messages
Haebitna
X:XX XM
X:XX XM
Yeah, Zhi's a good man... but I guess it would be kind of awkward for you to ask him about anything since you don't know him as well. But I don't really think you need relationship advice anyway. You and Makoto are good for each other. Just, you know, know that he's there if you need him. I'm sure he won't mind.

The beach does sound really nice. Eunji and I went right before... well. But it was wonderful, and a great way to relax. How about this? We'll plan a trip when the weather gets warmer and we'll all go with you so you won't be alone. Gonna be a while before it gets pretty enough outside. That way you can rest like you need to.

Of course, Haena. I'm getting up right now and heading your way. I hope you don't mind messy hair, because Nagito is still asleep and he's the only one in the dorm who usually cares about that stuff.
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haebitna baek
 Posted: Feb 15 2018, 04:16 PM
Quote
haebitna baek
CM Entertainment
20 years old
written by Dessy
639 posts


1:05
Friday 02 February
Kunny 💢
1:05 AM
Fri, 02 Feb, 1:05 AM
[deleted]Oh no, I know him, it's definitely not that.[/deleted]

I know him... enough. He's Mako's [deleted]boyfriend[/deleted] best friend and all. It'd just be weird.

Everyone thinks we are. Certainly different from my ex... ^^' I know he's here. He always is. I love him for it.

Did you two have fun? And that sounds like a good plan. A day-trip to the beach. When it's warmer.

My hair doesn't look great, either, so I don't mind. I'll get up and meet you out in the hall.



@kunwoo byun
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