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 if i hold onto you, it hurts [cw]
zhihao choi
 Posted: Jan 21 2018, 09:30 PM
zhihao choi
23 years old
written by alex
159 posts

CONTENT WARNING: Post-kidnapping plot, all the not-so-fun aftereffects of all that and a healthy fuckin truckload of angst. you've been warned.

i saw you again, i cried
something went terribly wrong

The nightmare was over - but in a way, it had just started as well. Zhi knew - and had known - that when Hae was found and brought back, he wouldn't get to see her again immediately. He rationalized it to himself, clinging to the reality when the thought of losing her forever got to be too strong. And he was fine with it, would put up with anything as long as she was back safe where she belonged.

But in practice, he wasn't okay. Not really. She had to be checked out by a doctor, which was reasonable. Then she needed to see her family. Again, reasonable. Then Mako was able to see her, and Jaemin. Then others in the building who had been worried sick and deserved their chance to make sure she was really there, and not going anywhere.

It didn't stop the sick feeling, the hollowness of not having that proof yet, of not being able to touch her and make sure his hand wouldn't pass right through her like she was some kind of horrible illusion conjured up by his own fucking desperate mind.

Mako was there to reassure him, and he trusted his boyfriend's word(and heard the same from Jae in the brief moment he'd been able to see him), but it was still hard having to wait, to avoid drawing attention to something that would only bring them - her - more problems than needed.

He didn't sleep well that night, not that he ever really did. Tired didn't begin to describe how he was feeling the next day, but it wasn't like that wasn't his default state of being when something was going on. This was no different, and he could deal with it as long as he finally got to see her and started putting his goddamned fears to rest.

The walk to the RG dorms felt like it took an age, and the sight of security in the area certainly didn't surprise him. CM wasn't taking chances after what had happened. He was cleared without any trouble - which would have broken him down worse otherwise - and tried not to look around as he slipped into the main room. None of the girls seemed to be around at the moment, and that thought almost stopped him in his tracks. If they were with Hae, he couldn't afford for them to notice - other than Anna, she knew by now.

But he wouldn't know until he went to look. Breathing slowly in an attempt to steady himself, Zhi moved towards her room, silently glad to see the door open. Knocking lightly on the frame with his knuckles when he got close enough, he looked inside expecting to see all of them gathered - but it was only Hae in there. His breath hitched painfully in his throat, and he was barely able to rasp out her name in a strangled voice.

His knees gave out from under him and dropped him to the floor when he reached her, but it didn't stop him from throwing his arms around her and pressing his face to her middle.

"Haena..." he rasped out again, nearly choking on a sob. His fingers tangled in the back of her clothes, and he held on for dear life as if afraid she was going to disappear - and after what had happened, that was an entirely justified fear to have.

@haebitna baek
haebitna baek
 Posted: Jan 22 2018, 02:51 PM
haebitna baek
CM Entertainment
20 years old
written by Dessy
639 posts

Hold me like I’m more than just a friend.
It’s been two weeks since she’s last been back in the dorms. Back in her bed.. Back where she belonged, and not locked in a dark room, alone, in some place she’s never been to before. It felt longer than two weeks. Haebitna was glad to be out of the nightmare, out of that Hell hole, and just… away from everything. She had gotten to the point where she thought she was never going to be found, but when she was was, she had cried for about a solid hour. She was rushed to a hospital to be checked for any damage, and the only thing she had was a broken hand (which was her fault because she was moron who couldn’t properly punch), and a concussion that lasted longer than it was supposed to because it wasn’t diagnosed immediately and she didn’t treat it like she knew she was supposed to. She was focused on other things at that current moment.

Security have been roaming the hall of the ROSEGOLD dorms location, and she was only allowed a few visitors at a time. To not swarm her or anything, and also to make it easier for security to notice if anyone snuck in. Everyone who entered, except for the girls and Jaedad, had to be cleared. Anna was the first person she was reunited with, only because they were waiting for her parents to show up at the dorms, and she got to see the girls and Jaedad afterwards - even Mitsuki showed up. She had visitors coming in and out of the dorm to see her all day yesterday, and all of ST*R was allowed in as one group and she… had cried then, too, when she in the middle of a group hug. She didn’t get to see Makoto until late that night, and that involved more tears that she had already been shedding all day and Makoto apologizing over and over for something that wasn’t his fault as he held her. It was… emotional.

She was under close monitoring by all of the girls because of the concussion, and doing things one-handed was incredibly more difficult than she had thought, which means they had to do things for her, too. She was only back for a day, but already felt somewhat less jumpy than when she was… there. But that didn’t stop her from being paranoid. She only got maybe three hours of sleep last night, and while she probably looked tired, she wouldn’t feel tired until later that night. Maybe. If she cried some more, that might change, and she was expecting more visitors again today who didn’t show up yesterday, so that was entirely possible. There was one other person she desperately wanted to see who she hasn’t yet, but she knew why. If he had showed up yesterday, it would cause everyone to get suspicious. But she wanted to see her other boyfriend, too, not just Makoto.

It had took her about five minutes to get the sweater on her body, and it left her slightly frustrated because trying to do things with only one-hand was hard. But she couldn’t move her hand until it healed, especially not with the cast on it, so she had resorted to struggling. The girls had left, surprisingly, because she had honestly expected for them to be stuck to her like glue and never leave. But they probably assumed she’d have more visitors today, so didn’t feel like they needed to stay knowing that other people would be here with her. Haebitna didn’t have plans on leaving the CM building - or even the dorms - for awhile. She was away long enough.

She had finally pulled the stupid sweater on when she heard the door opening, making her freeze up before remembering that whoever was entering was either the girls or cleared by security. Her phone wasn’t with her, so it’s not like she could check for any texts, because it was sent off to have the screen fixed after it cracked from falling out of her hand, and she wouldn’t get it back for a few more days. Her parents paid for it, which was nice of them. She pulled her gaze away from the bedroom door, pulling the sleeves of her over-sized sweater down over her hands and most of her cast. Her gaze didn’t really look back up until she heard the gentle knock on the door, and her head lifted immediately before she saw exactly the person she was hoping to get to see.

”Zhi.” She had breathed, pulling up a small smile before she heard the strangled call of her name and it immediately fell. Oh, no. She was going to cry again. Did she even have tears left? She turned as he began moving towards her, only to watch his legs buckle as soon as he reached her. She frowned this time, deeply, as she felt Zhi’s arms around her and his face get pressed into her stomach. It caused her to get slightly off-balance, but she was able to recover quickly. ”I’m… sorry.” She mumbled, dropping her hands down to have the casted one placed on his back and the other went into his hair. ”It’s okay.” She could feel the own shakiness of her voice, and she knew trying to hold back any tears wasn’t going to work. ”I’m okay. And I’m back now.” She could hear the own break in her voice, and she leaned over as much as she could so she could place again a kiss into Zhi’s hair. ”I’m not leaving again. I promise. I’m… sorry.” The sob had left her throat as she mumbled another apology, pressing her lips into his hair and just kind of leaving them there. Mainly because she wasn’t eager on breaking the contact yet.

Tag: @zhihao choiNotes: Wow, this hurts. ☼ thanks evvie!
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