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Posted: Dec 2 2017, 05:31 PM
@mani-kae: can i go to bed and sleep for like ten years i need things to calm the hell down
tw: you aren't going to like who she meets. also, a lot about suki's illness.
She threw herself into the song.
Mani knew this was reckless, which was why she wasn't at CM. She couldn't let anyone see her falling apart like this. They were already being chased everywhere, camera lights flashing, hoping to catch that glimmer of tears in their eyes as they went to their stages and danced their hearts out, pretending that they could still be the ideal dream girls while breaking inside. Mani knew she had a heart of glass, easily chipped and shattered, for as much as she put up that front... she knew that she ran to stop herself from being hurt. She ran and she hid and she exploded in her own private corners.
She used to dance here, when she was a trainee, in her brother's old university. He still did bodyguard work here, when idols took their classes, so she was linked to his employee privileges. The dance professors never cared if she stopped by and borrowed a small practice room, especially not now that she was Mani of ROSEGOLD. They didn't ask any questions, though. They gave her the biggest room, the one usually reserved for their graduate students preparing for their recitals, and closed the door behind her, only reminding her that the room was booked a half-hour from now. She'd brought her own speakers, her own music - well, not her music. Her solo things would probably be shelved for a while now, until Suki was recovered enough... and she would recover enough...
Mani never believed in not listening to other people's music. And she knew there were some ulterior reasons behind her buying the entirety of d*cht's back catalogue, but when it came to letting her mind shut down and letting the music entirely take her over, their dark synths and darker vocals were perfect. She started off simply, of course. She had to preserve her body and not break or strain anything while doing this, so stretches and toe touches and ballet positions were the order for the first ten minutes.
Now she had no idea how many minutes had passed, her arms whipping around her as she leapt across the ground, heart hammering in her chest and sweat slicking down her face as she spun elegantly out of her jump and into a modern collapsing tuck-and-roll. Pulling herself off the ground as if lit by a live wire, she couldn't tell where the music ended and where she began. This was what she needed - to peel herself away from reality, to connect with the deepest parts of her. Occasionally she could hear her own voice, ragged from exertion but still pleasing, joining his on the soundtrack, but those silly feelings she'd been working to purge didn't come up. There was just the floor, her dance shoes against hardwood, the occasional glitter of her orange nails as they flew and fluttered in the air and caught the attention of the mirrors, and the driving directive repeating through her mind.
Forget. Forget all of this for a moment. Forget it. Do something for yourself, and then you can go back with a clear mind and a steel heart and pretend that Suki will recover -
She scrambled to her feet, staring at the spot where she fell, willing it to tell her why she'd just done that. Must be the floor. Nothing hurt. It was a small tumble, her knee a bit scraped up but otherwise fine. Her head jutted to one of her reflections on the mirrored walls, glaring at herself. How dare she think that?! Suki would be fine!
Suki would be fine.
They... would... be...
Mani sat down and put her head between her knees and let out a high-pitched, almost primal cry, ripped straight from the depths of her throat. She couldn't pretend. She couldn't pretend like Haena and Anna could, which was why she couldn't reach out to Anna and why she hadn't invited Haena. She couldn't pretend that Suki's situation was going to turn out okay. Ninety percent chance the surgery wouldn't work. That was 9/10ths. That was a Hail Mary, a chucked basketball from past the half-court line, a snowball's chance in hell of making it. Every time she visited Suki, she just felt the pain grow worse and worse in her chest and her stomach, and every time someone tried to be nice about it and acted like they'd be ROSEGOLD again in no time, she could feel vomitious acid building in her throat.
Suki was going to die. And there was nothing she could do about it.
She was so distraught, she didn't even bother to tell off whoever was watching her. She could feel them. Let them look. Let them send pictures to that horrible Tumblr site. Maybe they'll spin it in a funny way. She's crying over Yoo-Jin. That's not funny. That's yesterday's news.
tag: ...@si-u byeol
Posted: Dec 16 2017, 08:56 PM
@byebyeol: Look what you made me do...
It was a mistake, him being here and witnessing this, but he couldn't tear his eyes away.
He wouldn't be able to explain later what had urged him to open the door to this particular practice room, why he hadn't been able to ignore the muffled music on his way out of the mostly empty building when he had other places to be. He wouldn't be able or willing to explain why he hadn't just left when he realized that the room was occupied by a single dancer who was obviously unwilling to be interrupted. His guest lecture had run over when he'd stayed back to speak to some of the more promising students, but that was a regret now that he had stumbled upon this intriguing creature hidden behind one of the larger practice rooms' doors.
She was beautiful.
The choreographer watched from his spot by the doorway with his hands slid deep in his jacket pockets, violet eyes tracking the young girl throwing herself into her dance. Every dip, every spin, every softly sung verse; the girl put her entire body and soul into every movement, and Si-u's eyes burned. He was unwilling to take his eyes off her even for the time it took to blink.
He had only seen one person dance like this before, and it was haunting to see his own reflection, still and unmoving while the anguish he knew so well flickered all around her. He wanted to ask if the demons that haunted her were the same that kept him awake at night, wanted to ask if she had figured out yet that no amount of spinning and throwing herself around would get them to stop, wanted to ask if she felt like every breath and second alive was like salt rubbing into her wounds too-
The break surprised him enough to pull him from his own dark thoughts, leaving him blinking away reminders of past dance practice rooms oddly like this one as she ungracefully scrambled back up to her feet. It was a little like getting doused with cold water; he was awake, he was there, but his thoughts were still caught elsewhere. By the time his attention was fully focused back on her again, she was glaring at her reflection in the mirrored wall. It was the first time since he'd snuck in here that he had gotten to see her face.
The pain in her eyes was breathtaking.
All too soon she drew in on herself, taking those anguished eyes away from his sight, and the reminders of her pain that had been hanging on her frame broke down with her, open and raw for anyone to see. Si-u narrowed his tired eyes and sighed, thankful that the sound was drowned out by her sobs. The show was over, it seemed, but he found he couldn't bring himself to leave. Not yet.
"Try it again," the words came out unbidden, and for a moment, his lips twisted into a frown behind his scarf. It wasn't caring; he didn't care about other people, only himself and Won. All this was, he convinced himself as he pushed off the wall and started closer to her, was that she had shown all of this to him, shared her beautiful pain with him and him alone... he should thank her for it, shouldn't he? He reached up and drew the scarf down, his face carefully blank again as some of his orange hair fell into his eyes. He waited until he knew he had her attention then spoke softly and directly to her gaze, "You can do better, can't you?"
Posted: Dec 28 2017, 11:38 AM
@mani-kae: can i go to bed and sleep for like ten years i need things to calm the hell down
The person who slid into the room had to have her worst interests at heart. Mani was so used to it by now - she'd only been debuted for half a year, and already, people had it in for the pint-sized rapper. The more fire she spat from her lips, the more the harsh world circled in around her, ready to draw and quarter her for every mistake. She tried to stand up for her rights as a woman to not be an object of lust; she ends up permanently embroiled in a rumour that she wants nothing more than to be with a gross playboy. One of her closest friends suffers; she is mined for all her sadness, her tears bottled and sold to the highest bidder. Let them take their pictures, of gawk at her frame, the knobs of her spine jutting out as she lay prone against her kneecaps.
"Try it again."
Mani lifted her head, blonde hair falling into her face as she turned her head. She couldn't hide the redness in her eyes, nor the confused scowl on her face that quickly morphed into something even more confused and less volatile.
A man. Definitely a man, with a shock of orange hair so bright that even Kunwoo couldn't match it in his famed Cranberry Head days. He was lanky, almost all legs, and his attire was loose but muted, aside from the thick scarf that threatened to swallow his entire head. It was... a look. A look that worked for him, she thought, her eyes trailing down his tight pants to the boots on his feet. What was this person doing here? She'd never seen him here before, which ruled out instructor... maybe a new student. Shit, how over was she on her time -?
But he wanted her to try it again. He pulled down his scarf and made intense eye contact with her, saying that he knew she could do better.
She felt swallowed up by his eyes for just a moment, a pull she'd only felt once before. Mani's cheeks went a light shade of pink as she stood up, pulling down her clothes where they bunched and wrinkled up. "...I don't know what I was doing. I'm sure I could do better, if this was choreographed in any way." Mani bit her lip, breaking away from those deep, deep eyes, unwillingly, to look at herself in the mirror. She was still too wound up, her body attached to a thin strand of wire that kept all of her muscles taut and her legs ready to pounce. Even after all that effort expended and sweat dripping down her neck, the stress of being Mani Phanthittra hadn't eased.
"If this is your room, I can leave," Mani said, avoiding mentioning that she definitely wanted to keep dancing. "...how long have you been there?"
TAG: @si-u byeol
NOTES: Mani being evasive is my favorite thing, she's so bad at it.